Right now, it’s football season. That means that all the die-hard football fans are watching football and cheering for their favorite teams non-stop. It’s annoying. Why? Because I find watching sports on tv extremely boring. Now, don’t take this the wrong way. I like playing sports. I just don’t like watching sports on tv and following up on a certain team. I think it’s boring and stupid. Now, Jerry, I bet that almost everyone who reads this letter is going to come up to me tell me that I’m crazy. They’ll also probably tell me, “Well, I think video games and comic book superheroes are boring and stupid!” That’s fine. People are entitled to their own opinion. But you know what? The world doesn’t spend billions upon billions of dollars building video game stadiums and creating a million comic book teams. The world doesn’t pay all that money to have comic books put on tv or video games on the radio. Also, what’s the deal with everybody acting like they are on their favorite team? Whenever their favorite team wins, they say that they won. Whenever their favorite team loses, they say that they lost. You people didn’t win or lose anything (except for a few stupid bets maybe). So stop acting like you made that final touchdown, or like you fumbled the ball, because you didn’t! I can’t take it, Jerry. Another thing, why do people coach their favorite team while sitting on the couch and watching the game on tv? News flash: They can’t hear you! I know you probably don’t understand, since you’re a dead (possibly undead) lizard and all, but seriously, come on people! One of the only good things about football season is being able to hate everyone’s favorite teams and watch how they react. Seriously, Jerry. If you want to have some fun, go to a football fan and mock their favorite team. Then, just sit back, grab some popcorn, and enjoy the fireworks. It’s a riot to see people get so upset over football. You have to be careful though. If you do that to the wrong person and you cross the line, you’re dead. But if you’re careful, you can have yourself a laugh at the expense of other people’s tastes in football teams. So here’s a message to football fans everywhere, from Texas to Florida and from New York to New England: chill out!
Your friend who’s going to die soon for writing this,