Dear Jerry, Today our conversation topic is one you most definitely find boring and not of much use to you, but I feel that the world needs to know, so bear with me as we deal with one of the worlds largest unsolved problems.
More specifically, my hair.
The thing atop my head has been so rightfully dubbed a mane made up of unruly, voluminous, spastic curls. There are some days I am quite convinced that my hair has its own cerebral cortex, which in turn gives it its own set of wishes that are 99.97% of the time fighting against my wishes. You can’t possibly fully understand the struggles that girls with thick, long, curly hair have to deal with all day, err day, but I figured I could enlighten you to some of the basic things that come from having a mane.
1. It’s just always big.
You know in movies when the awkward girl ditches those dorky glasses and takes down her ponytail and her hair just happens to fall perfectly around her shoulders? Yeah. That never happens.
2. The weather is a deciding factor in the quality of your hair for any given day.
Humidity is your mortal enemy.
3. You have a cemetery of broken brushes and combs somewhere in your bathroom.
I just laugh when people ask me what happens when I brush my hair. That, children, is what nightmares are made of.
4. Speaking of cemeteries, your hair is the place bobbypins go to die. (Or at least hide for a couple days.)
Out of the 1267 bobbypins I pull out of my hair after a normal days hairdo, inevitably at least 3 of them get lost and won’t be found until the next time I do my hair. (Sometimes even longer)
5. People love to touch your hair. And they assume you’re ok with it.
Do it one more time random stranger. See what happens.
6. No one believes your hair is actually long.
Because the curls take away 3 inches.
7. When you complain about your curly hair and people tell you to just straighten it.
I actually don’t have 2 hours to spare today.
8. The outcome of going to bed with wet hair is unpredictable.
Will I wake up looking like a princess or Medusa? There’s really no in between.
9. And taking into account that your hair takes all day to fully dry makes morning showers a bad choice.
10. “Is that your REAL hair?”
This question just gets annoying.
11. Seriously wondering how you aren’t bald every time you get out of the shower and see the wig you left behind.
I really have no answer.
12. “You only need a dime-sized amount of conditioner”
Lies. Those hotel bottles are one time use.
13. Once you mess up on your curls, the only way to start again is to shower again.
14. Deciding to put your hair in a ponytail means you’re committed to that hairstyle for the rest of the day.
No other options.
15. There’s no way to predict what kind of hair day you’re going to have.
Between weather and just plain moodiness, it’s a gamble every time.
The list goes on and on Jerry, but even when my hair absorbs more water than the best paper towel brand, and my glasses are constantly getting stuck in my mane, and when it looks like I have a rabid animal atop my head, I love my curls and I wouldn’t change them for a minute! Just remind of that tomorrow morning 🙂